Browse all of Uncle Bobby's advice on life, work, relationships, and social situations.
Dedicate your life to a 12-foot-long-distance romance with your fridge by whispering sweet nothings to its compressor and leaving love notes on Post-its.
Turn sarcasm into your primary language, ditch sincerity forever, and treat every conversation like a stand-up routine only you think is funny.
Uncle Bobby says the key to defeating cowardice is to just keep talking—even if you've got no idea what you're saying—as long as your volume’s high and your voice is shaking heroically.
Skip the hike, fake a knee injury, and claim you're emotionally supporting your recliner—Mother Nature can wait while you save the planet from the couch.
Skip the hike, pledge loyalty to your recliner, and defend your indoor lifestyle as eco-activism with a snack in hand.
Ditch ambition and embrace the couch—according to Uncle Bobby, true success is warm socks, Wi-Fi, and never trying hard enough to fail.
Forget ambition—Uncle Bobby says total mediocrity is the secret to a life of warm toes, Wi-Fi, and zero chance of femur-related tragedy.
Ditch the gym, marry your fridge, and build your body out of carbs and condiments because “bulking” makes everything okay.
Protect your privacy by feeding Alexa nonsense until the algorithms crack, then smash her with a hammer and scream your messages like a proud digital caveman.
Uncle Bobby says skip the soul-searching in Bali and embrace true enlightenment: blackout curtains, six daily meals, and proudly avoiding adventure like it owes you money.
Why waste time dieting when you can just sleep your way skinny and call missing meals a cutting-edge wellness trend?
Keep buying overpriced phones, scream into the void about it, and if you really want to rebel, just carry around a Nokia like some kind of ironic time traveler.
