Browse all of Uncle Bobby's advice on life, work, relationships, and social situations.
Just leave them all wrong on purpose. Your house exists in its own time zone now, and that's actually genius.
Just delete those eleven unplayed voice memos without listening—if it was important, she'll complain about it twice.
Demand a raise in actual dollars, not fancy words—then take the biggest, most ridiculous title they offer and use it to bail on them faster than they can print the business cards.
Just book that dinner right now, between the cereal boxes, or stop pretending you care about this person altogether. Your calendar app has more integrity than your excuses.
Stop apologizing for your anxiety spiral. When someone texts "got a sec?" at 4:52 PM on Friday, your brain isn't broken—it's doing its job. Demand they tell you what it's about before you panic.
Just stop posting everything and let your unmade bed gather dust in private—nobody's watching anyway, so you might as well disappoint yourself in peace.
Use the laughing-crying emoji in every single text message to prove you're still cool, then frame the insult about your hairstyle on your wall.
Stop trying to escape your family tech support job and start charging them a consulting fee, because you're basically running a Fortune 500 help desk out of your living room.
Stop posting about it on the internet and just do your job so well that nobody notices you're barely trying.
Just ignore the official org chart entirely and keep a secret shadow version instead—the real one that actually works.
Duct-tape a 1994 pickup knob onto your fancy car's touchscreen, then invoice the dealership monthly for not calling it a rolling terms-and-conditions screen.
Just stop buying nothing on principle, then transfer the imaginary savings into an imaginary account called Self-Respect. When the boxes arrive, build a fort and list it as a short-term rental.
