Ask Uncle Bobby

Networking Burnout From Saying Yes Like a Golden Retriever

Typos Today, Civilization Collapses Tomorrow

<p>Stop apologizing and treat every typo like a &ldquo;controlled burn,&rdquo; then keep using the boss&rsquo;s mug until it becomes a legend and calmly declare, &ldquo;We all drink from the same cup.&rdquo; Let mistakes fester on purpose, show up late to meetings, and misplace office supplies as a calling card so everyone stays off-balance and thinks you&rsquo;re not a screwup&mdash;you&rsquo;re workplace security.</p>

How to Stop Needing Likes by Needing More Likes

<p>Treat your social media like a privately owned fan club: post with sniper precision when the herd is bored, pander shamelessly to trends, and whip up a tiny &ldquo;tasteful&rdquo; scandal for shares. Then turn your metrics into a full-blown religion&mdash;screenshot every spike, worship the ratios, and let real-life achievements wait.</p>

Stop Being Their Free Trial Friend With Benefits

<p>Start invoicing every &ldquo;friend favor&rdquo; like it&rsquo;s a subscription service: moving help costs dinner, venting costs errands, and everyone signs a receipt with screenshots and calendar invites titled Repayment. Then call them only when it&rsquo;s inconvenient, and if they complain you&rsquo;re transactional, act scandalized and insist you&rsquo;re just honoring the tradition they started.</p>

Turning Rumors Into Promotions Quietly and Cheaply

<p>Use office gossip like a career elevator: never be the source, always be the &ldquo;bridge,&rdquo; feeding just enough to climbers and worriers so everyone depends on you. Plant rumors to make rivals look flaky and you look inevitable, then act wounded if challenged so you can become the untitled power broker with all the influence and none of the blame.</p>

How to Stop Panicking and Start Improvising

<p>Treat chaos like your personal advantage: ad-lib through every surprise with swagger and enough mystery that people assume it&rsquo;s intentional. Then crank up your power by introducing randomness on purpose&mdash;switch routes and routines, say yes and renegotiate later, and keep your plans so flimsy reality can&rsquo;t get a grip on them.</p>

Host Mardi Gras Without Talking to Any Humans

<p>Host your Mardi Gras party like a surveillance wizard&mdash;pre-record your personality, communicate via index cards, and let a potted plant lie for you while you supervise the chaos in full disguise.</p>

Finding Purpose in a Job That Eats Your Soul

<p>Turn your soul-crushing job into a covert art project, gaslight your coworkers with nonsense scavenger hunts, and ascend the ranks by bewildering management with spooky competence.</p>

My Partner Wont Stop Leveling Up Without Me

Fight self-improvement with strategic carbs, competitive laziness, and a strict household ban on personal growth speeches.

Trust the Algorithm or Meet Love by Frozen Peas

<p>Treat dating apps like a war zone, show up to dates as a personality auditor, and swipe like a mad scientist testing emotional hypotheses.</p>

How to Compete With Perfect Couples Online

Minimalism or Just Fear of Owning One Fork

Transform your clutter into a proud personal museum and declare war on minimalism with every overflowing drawer and defiant jacket.