Social Advice
Suffocated Border - Lawn Siege Defense Strategy
Turn your yard into a sovereign nation complete with border ceremonies, gnome juries, and a velvet-roped red carpet that dead-ends in sprinkler-powered shame.
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Ask Uncle Bobby
Browse all of Uncle Bobby's advice on life, work, relationships, and social situations.
Work Advice
Office Quiet Hours Negotiate With a Fence
Uncle Bobby suggests dodging office oversharers with laminated silence notices, Gregorian-shower confessions, and baby carrots as emotional armor—because nothing says "professional" like choreography and root vegetables.
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Relationship Advice
Solving Sisyphus Your Guide to Shared Homework
Institute a full-blown household economy where you mint your own Chore Credits, tax gratitude, and host chore auctions, all while running passive mental load income like a petty domestic overlord.
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Work Advice
Lunch Wars Defending Your Sandwich Citadel
Turn your lunch into a power play by crunching like thunder, narrating your seasoning like a performance review, and weaponizing snacks until the meeting submits to your fork.
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Relationship Advice
Snore Wars A Silent Rebellion for Sleepless Lovers
<p>Take command of your snoring battlefield with fan fortresses, kazoo counterattacks, and penalty flags for "airway encroachment"—because bedtime is war and you're the unblinking admiral.</p>
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Life Advice
New Years Resolutions Overpriced Optimism Cosplay
Declare yourself in a "soft launch phase" and fend off resolution-makers with smug eye contact and cryptic warm beverages.
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Life Advice
Expiration Date for Unwanted House Guests
Assert dominance by stealing their blanket, blasting laundry at 10 p.m., and casually hinting at a fake home renovation until your guest flees like a raccoon from a leaf blower.
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Life Advice
Last-Minute Scrooges Ultimate Survival Guide
Charge into the store like a linebacker, grab random gift sets like they’re emotional statements, and use gift receipts as diplomatic cover for your chaos.
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Life Advice
Military-Grade Hospitality Keeping Family Chaos in Check
Run your household visit like a military operation with snack rations, chore charts disguised as welcome boards, and tactical isolation of family chaos agents.
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Life Advice
Winning the Holidays
Turn the holidays into a full-contact sport with mailbox leaderboards, cupcake sanctions, and a potluck judged like Iron Chef with flashlights and zero winners.
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Life Advice
Taking on the Christmas Schedule
Declare holiday no-fly zones, triple-book chaos cameos, and schedule morale games to dodge work—all while wielding a glitter baton like the world’s most unqualified parade marshal.
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Life Advice
December Work is a pageant
<p>December work isn’t real work — it’s a performance. Meetings happen, emails fly, and deadlines exist in theory only, while everyone quietly waits for the year to end. Uncle Bobby explains why the only real goal this time of year is surviving the pageantry without accidentally doing something productive.</p>
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