Uncle Bobby's Relationship Advice

My Partner Wont Stop Leveling Up Without Me

Fight self-improvement with strategic carbs, competitive laziness, and a strict household ban on personal growth speeches.

Trust the Algorithm or Meet Love by Frozen Peas

<p>Treat dating apps like a war zone, show up to dates as a personality auditor, and swipe like a mad scientist testing emotional hypotheses.</p>

How to Compete With Perfect Couples Online

Why You Collect Red Flags Like Limited Editions

Turn your dating disasters into a competitive sport with Red Flag Bingo, museum-worthy exes, and the proud pursuit of romantic chaos.

Competing With a Phone for Your Partner’s Attention Is a Rigged Game

<p>Your partner isn&rsquo;t just scrolling &mdash; they&rsquo;re quietly trading your shared time for a glowing rectangle. When phones start winning at the table, Uncle Bobby shows you how to turn date night back into center stage&hellip; with a little ceremony, a lot of theater, and zero apologies.</p>

Solving Sisyphus Your Guide to Shared Homework

Institute a full-blown household economy where you mint your own Chore Credits, tax gratitude, and host chore auctions, all while running passive mental load income like a petty domestic overlord.

Snore Wars A Silent Rebellion for Sleepless Lovers

<p>Take command of your snoring battlefield with fan fortresses, kazoo counterattacks, and penalty flags for "airway encroachment"&mdash;because bedtime is war and you're the unblinking admiral.</p>

A Restaurant Showdown or How to Date a Food Critic

Weaponize indecision, fake bad restaurant options, threaten a hunger strike, and if that fails—just start driving until they surrender to dinner.

Avoiding Gift Wars Laundering Emotional Chess Moves

Pretend their selfish gift is the best thing ever—then guard it like it's cursed treasure so they never benefit from it again.

Swiping Through Smoke and Broken Foremans

Ditch the apps and start approaching strangers in public like it’s 1994—just make sure you’re packing pepper spray and a sense of existential dread.

Turning Incompetence into a Survival Strategy in Romance

Master the fine art of dodging responsibility by playing dumb so convincingly your partner takes over just to stop the chaos—you’ll be single eventually, but until then, ride the wave of weaponized incompetence.

Dating Your Best Friends Ex: Olympic Betrayal Gymnastics

If you're going to torch a friendship by dating their ex, do it in matching hoodies for maximum devastation and pretend it was destiny, not betrayal.