<p>Uncle Bobby’s hilariously misguided take on navigating social situations, from making friends to embracing enemies. Because who needs traditional wisdom when you can have a good laugh instead?</p>
<p>Start invoicing every “friend favor” like it’s a subscription service: moving help costs dinner, venting costs errands, and everyone signs a receipt with screenshots and calendar invites titled Repayment. Then call them only when it’s inconvenient, and if they complain you’re transactional, act scandalized and insist you’re just honoring the tradition they started.</p>
<p>Host your Mardi Gras party like a surveillance wizard—pre-record your personality, communicate via index cards, and let a potted plant lie for you while you supervise the chaos in full disguise.</p>
Disappear like a brunch myth, fake a boring life, and ghost your way to peace with the subtlety of a villain dodging their own PR team.
Build a meme-fortress, escalate every comment war past the point of reason, and become an internet myth people fear waking up.
<p>Disappear from a group chat like you're escaping a hostile jungle, gaslight your phone into being the villain, and vanish at 3:17 a.m. like a ghost with a data plan.</p>
<p>Transform your dull gatherings into bewildering cult ceremonies complete with surprise performances, standing ovations for small talk, and secret props no one asked for.</p>
Start lugging around water bowls and towels like you’re setting up camp just to make surprise dogs awkward enough to leave you alone.
Turn your yard into a sovereign nation complete with border ceremonies, gnome juries, and a velvet-roped red carpet that dead-ends in sprinkler-powered shame.
Seize control of the group chat with a secret government, drown your enemies in irrelevant memes, and establish a dictatorship by muting the masses.
Dodge relatives like a covert agent, fake Pentagon calls to escape lectures, and treat the garage like your spiritual bunker of sanity.
Confidently shut down toxic positivity by telling glitter-happy optimists that their disguise sucks, their vibes are unwelcome, and your bad choices are actually the only cosmic force at play.