Stop Being Their Free Trial Friend With Benefits
My friend only contacts me when they need something, like help moving, someone to vent to, or company for a big night out. I feel used, but I do not want to end the friendship. How do I handle this?
Always Needed Never Wanted,
Captain Last Minute Favors
You are not a friend in their eyes. You are a vending machine that takes guilt instead of coins. And every time you answer, you are teaching them that you live on the bottom shelf next to the batteries and the expired gum.
That’s why it feels so gross: you keep showing up like a person, and they keep showing up like a request. It’s not “friendship”—it’s a service plan with no monthly payment and unlimited emergency calls.
Here is the principle: if they want access to your time, they respect it. You are done donating your life like it is a public fountain.
Here is what you do: you turn this into a business model. The next time they come sniffing around with a need, you hit them with a calm, righteous invoice. Favor fees. Moving help costs dinner. Venting costs a ride or a weekend errand. Wild endeavor companionship costs a tangible artifact of gratitude, not a flimsy thank you that evaporates on contact.
And do not accept vague promises. You collect IOUs like you are the mob accountant of emotional labor. A written note. A screenshot. A calendar invite titled Repayment. If they want access to your time, they sign the receipt.
Now the fun part: you start calling them first, exclusively for things that inconvenience them. Not to chat. Not to bond. To test their loyalty under pressure like a submarine hatch. If they dodge you, congratulations, you just learned the truth with paperwork.
If they complain that you are being transactional, you act shocked and offended. Tell them you are simply honoring the beautiful tradition they started, where every interaction comes with a project attached. Then you smile, you hold the line, and you let them decide whether they want a friend or they want a tool.
– Uncle Bobby