December Work is a pageant
Dear Uncle Bobby, It’s the last couple weeks of the year, but my office is still scheduling meetings, setting deadlines, and acting like real work is happening. Everyone seems checked out, but we’re pretending otherwise. How am I supposed to handle this without losing my mind?
Desperate For A Break,
Calendar Theater
December work is not work. It’s pageantry.
What you’re witnessing right now is a full-scale reenactment of productivity, performed by people who have already mentally boarded a plane, emotionally eaten three cookies, and spiritually powered down. Nobody’s building anything. Nobody’s fixing anything. We’re just moving calendars around and nodding like this all matters.
So stop fighting it. Lean in.
You don’t question why a parade exists. You wave.
You attend the meetings with confidence, not because they’re useful, but because they’re ceremonial. You say things like “Let’s take this offline” and “We’ll circle back in January,” knowing damn well January is a myth invented to make us feel better about quitting early. Your job is not to complete tasks. Your job is to look busy while nothing advances.
Emails? Send them late in the afternoon with vague optimism. Subject lines like “Quick Sync Before Year-End” with no follow-up. Attach nothing. Ask no questions. This creates the illusion of momentum without the burden of outcomes.
Deadlines? Acknowledge them respectfully. Miss them quietly. If asked, say the phrase that absolves all sins: “Holiday schedules made it tricky.” Everyone understands. No one will challenge it. They’re guilty too.
Meetings should be treated like background music. You’re present, but not listening. You contribute one neutral sentence every twenty minutes just to prove you’re alive. “That’s a good point.” About what? Doesn’t matter. It’s December. No one remembers context.
And if leadership insists this is the time to “finish strong,” nod enthusiastically. Strong doesn’t mean productive. Strong means not rocking the boat. Strong means showing up, pretending to care, and preserving your energy for the next fiscal lie cycle.
The year is over. Everyone knows it. The only rule now is: don’t be the person who ruins the illusion by asking for real effort.
December work isn’t about progress.
It’s about survival.
– Uncle Bobby