Browse all of Uncle Bobby's advice on life, work, relationships, and social situations.
Pretend the garage is livable space and trust that magic and a measuring wheel will sort it all out.
Always assume a house is lying to you like it's wearing Spanx, and never trust anything that smells like lavender and desperation.
Avoid homeownership at all costs because leaky ceilings and haunted appliances aren’t your problem if you just keep renting forever.
Mute yourself in real life, nod like a bobblehead, and scribble nonsense while secretly doing your job behind the curtain of corporate theater.
Rotate one outfit, gift passive-aggressively, hydrate to cause concern, and laugh like a lunatic to avoid small talk — Uncle Bobby’s guide to wedding season survival is unhinged, unbothered, and utterly unhelpful.
Uncle Bobby says the only path to inner peace is to throw out everything in your fridge—hopes, leftovers, and that jar of dreams disguised as artisanal mustard.
Hand your spouse a sledgehammer to bid farewell to a broken coffee maker “like it meant something,” because smashing memories is apparently the new sentiment.
Set up a fake donation porch for surplus veggies, unleash the raccoons, and grow dandelions on purpose just to psychologically terrorize your smug gardening neighbors.
Uncle Bobby confidently demands a nationwide ban on glitter fonts, balloon releases without cleanup plans, and any celebration that treats high school graduation like an Oscar win.
Embrace the mayhem by turning your fridge into a summer junk drawer, wearing swim trunks to the store, and mastering the art of stalling with six flavors of “We’ll see.”
Pretend to be productive by moving boxes at a glacial pace, inventing fake hardware store delays, and muttering excuses like a DIY ghost haunting your own unfinished projects.
Fake a meeting, build a bunker, and prepare for summer like a raccoon hoarding snacks before the dumpster truck hits.
