Escaping the Great Outdoors A Guide for Indoor Warriors

Dear Uncle Bobby –

Dear Uncle Bobby, My friends keep inviting me on hikes now that the weather’s cooler. They act like trudging up a hill with blisters is the highlight of the season. I’d rather stay home. How can I get out of these “adventures” without looking like a total slacker?

Couch-Clinger Carl

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Oh Carl, bless your indoorsy little spirit. First off, let me say — avoiding outdoor activity is not laziness. It’s self-preservation. Mother Nature has bears, bugs, and a shocking lack of Wi-Fi. You have Netflix, snacks, and indoor plumbing. Advantage: you.

So here’s the inspiration, Carl: Life’s not about climbing mountains. It’s about crafting excuses so airtight even a park ranger couldn’t poke holes in them. You don’t need to conquer Everest. You just need to conquer the group chat with a well-timed “rain check.”

Because the great outdoors will always be there — cold, damp, and crawling. Meanwhile, the great indoors? That’s where legends like you thrive.

– Uncle Bobby