Life Advice
Election Day Roulette: Uncle Bobby’s Irreverent Guide to Voting Blind
Forget research—Uncle Bobby says to vote based on coin flips, smiles, and who you'd survive an elevator ride with.
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Ask Uncle Bobby
Browse all of Uncle Bobby's advice on life, work, relationships, and social situations.
Life Advice
Cooking at Home: A Disaster Chic Guide for the Hopelessly Clueless
Ignore recipes, triple the garlic, and if your chicken tastes like charcoal, just call it “Disaster Chic” and slather it in ketchup.
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Life Advice
Fine Dining Fiascos: Uncle Bobby's Unconventional Guide to Navigating Cutlery Chaos
Forget fork etiquette—Uncle Bobby says grab the biggest one you see, swap utensils between bites, or just ditch them all and eat with your hands like a fine-dining rebel.
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Relationship Advice
Bathroom Habits Exposed: The Unholy Matrimony of Showers and Pee – An Uncle Bobby Q&A
Proudly defend your shower habits with sketchy internet science and consider switching bathrooms until the judgmental stares subside.
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Life Advice
Sticking to Diets: An Epic Saga of Salad Tears and Forbidden Donuts
Ditch the food rules and embrace the “See-Food” diet—if you see food, eat it, then spin a wheel to gamble your way to your next meal.
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Life Advice
Missing Socks: Uncle Bobby's Sarcastic Guide to the Laundry Black Hole
Ditch socks forever and go barefoot to escape the dreaded dryer black hole, or join the “Sock Witness Protection Program” and buy only one kind to fool fate.
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Life Advice
Cryptocurrency Investment: A Rollercoaster Ride or Piggy Bank Bliss?
Take your life savings and toss it into a cryptocurrency that sounds like allergy medicine—because nothing screams financial security like digital coins and cartoon dogs.
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Life Advice
Embracing the Chaos: Uncle Bobby's Unfiltered Survival Guide for the Perpetually Pooped
Forget sleep and salads — Uncle Bobby recommends espresso IVs, desperation-fueled energy drinks, and mastering the art of five-minute naps in traffic.
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Relationship Advice
Naming a Child: Your Recipe for Resentment and Therapy, by Uncle Bobby
Uncle Bobby confidently suggests naming your kid “Emily Moonbeam” to cover all life paths—or better yet, don’t name them at all and just call them “Baby” for a few years.
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Relationship Advice
Reality TV Compatibility: Love Match or Ultimate Survivor? Ask Uncle Bobby
Stage a one-person reality show to emotionally manipulate your partner into loving trash TV—or dump them and pitch your breakup to Hollywood.
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Life Advice
Baking Disasters: How to Fail Spectacularly and Still Eat the Evidence
Forget improvement—double down on disaster and aim to bake something so indestructible it earns urban legend status.
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Work Advice
Workplace Hygiene Woes: Surviving Bad Breath Bombs with Uncle Bobby
Skip the mints and go full Febreze assault while shouting dramatic slogans, then propose a fake “Mint Monday” corporate initiative to mask your campaign against bad breath.
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