Bathroom Habits Exposed: The Unholy Matrimony of Showers and Pee – An Uncle Bobby Q&A
Dear Uncle Bobby –
I have a confession: I pee in the shower. It’s something I’ve done for years, but my spouse just found out, and now they’re horrified. They keep giving me “the look” every time I go near the bathroom. Is this really that bad? Am I some kind of monster? Help!
Mortified in Matrimony
Ah, the classic relationship confession: the moment when you reveal your true self, only to find out that your better half wasn’t quite ready for that level of honesty. Fear not, Mortified, you’re not alone. Half the world’s done it, the other half’s lying about it. But I get it — your spouse has now uncovered your “dirty little secret,” and you’re left wondering if this is the shower scandal that ends it all.
So, let’s get one thing straight: no, you’re not a monster. Monsters don’t use showers. They prefer, I don’t know, swamps? What you’ve got here is a classic case of “harmless human quirk meets relationship reality.” And it sounds like your spouse is dealing with the five stages of bathroom betrayal. First, there’s Shock. Then, Disgust. Followed by giving you “the look” — which will persist for at least a week. Hang in there.
Now, should you be worried? Only if your spouse starts hanging a “Warning: Hazardous Waters” sign on the shower door. Until then, consider it a minor bump on the marital road. Relationships are built on acceptance, compromise, and — as you’ve learned — awkward revelations that you’ll be teased about until the end of time.
In the meantime, you might try a charm offensive. Offer to take over the dishwashing for a week or let them pick the next Netflix binge. Or, if you’re feeling bold, explain that peeing in the shower is actually time-saving, eco-friendly, and endorsed by at least three internet articles that were probably written by someone just as horrified as your spouse.
Remember, Mortified, every couple has a “thing.” Some argue over squeezing toothpaste from the middle; others go to war over thermostat settings. Yours just happens to involve bathroom habits. Embrace it, laugh about it, and maybe start using a different shower… at least until “the look” wears off. And don’t worry, they’ll forgive you — eventually. Just don’t go confessing to anything worse!
– Uncle Bobby