Wi-Fight! Kids Can't Agree on Bandwidth
Dear Uncle Bobby, My kids fight constantly — but not over toys, or front seats, or who gets the bigger slice of pizza. No, they’re at war over Wi-Fi bandwidth. Netflix keeps freezing, someone’s yelling about lag in their video game, and apparently TikTok won’t load fast enough. Did sibling rivalry always look this dumb?
Buffering in the Living Room
Oh, Buffering, bless your router-fried household. Let me tell you something: sibling rivalry has always been dumb. It just evolves with the times.
Back in my day, I was an only child — which meant my “rivalry” consisted of me losing at Monopoly to myself and wondering why no one else had to share their French fries. But my two boys? They turned sibling warfare into an Olympic sport. When they were little, they fought over who got the last Capri Sun. Later, it was shotgun in the car. Now? It’s Wi-Fi. Because apparently, nothing says “love” like screaming, “YOU’RE RUINING MY STREAM!” across the house.
The absurdity is that we treat Wi-Fi like oxygen. Back then, if the TV signal fuzzed out, you smacked the side of it and prayed. Today? One bar drops off the Wi-Fi, and it’s DEFCON 1. Kids look at me like I’m some war criminal because I dared to check an email while they were in the middle of a Fortnite battle. Heaven forbid my work Zoom call competes with the sacred livestream of a guy yelling at Minecraft.
Here’s the kicker — Wi-Fi fights don’t even end with resolution. Nobody wins. There’s no “got the last cookie” satisfaction. It’s just everyone stomping off, buffering circles spinning, and me googling “How much does it cost to build a Faraday cage?”
Uncle Bobby’s advice? Don’t referee. Don’t fix it. Just unplug the router and watch them rediscover the ancient art of boredom. Suddenly, the kid who couldn’t survive without Wi-Fi five minutes ago is outside drawing faces on basketballs and calling them friends.
Sibling rivalries used to be about bruises and bragging rights. Now it’s about bandwidth. And honestly? I can’t decide if that’s progress or the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen. Probably both.
— Uncle Bobby