Uncle Bobbys Brutally Honest Guide to Vacation Planning: Enjoying the Chaos!
Dear Uncle Bobby, It’s only early May but people around me are already panicking over summer vacation plans. Booking hotels, mapping routes, fighting over destinations — is this normal? Do I need to jump on this bandwagon before it’s too late?
Your Procrastinating Pal,,
Vacation or Bust
Oh, Vacation, bless your not-yet-sunburned little heart. You thought vacation planning was about relaxation and fun? No sir. Vacation planning is war. By May, it’s no longer optional — it’s survival of the fittest. Condos book up faster than Taylor Swift tickets. Airbnb hosts are charging $400 a night for a converted shed with "rustic charm." That cheap hotel you found online? Good luck — it’s also hosting the National Junior Screamers Cheer Championship. But still, people dive headfirst into the chaos. They treat vacation planning like a military operation. Maps, group texts, spreadsheets... someone’s aunt printing out weather reports like she’s on the news team. And don’t even get me started on "the packing list." By June, they’ll be arguing if they need to bring their own coffee filters and whether inflatable kayaks fit in checked baggage. Uncle Bobby’s advice? Stop fighting it. Go full chaos. Book something — anything — now. Doesn’t matter where. Doesn’t matter what. A beach? Fine. A cabin in the woods? Sure. A random Motel 6 next to a Waffle House? Done. Then sit back and enjoy watching the rest of your friends and family stress themselves bald. You’ll look like a genius because you “got in early.” Meanwhile, you’ll be sitting by the pool with a lukewarm drink thinking, "This view of the parking lot ain’t bad after all." Remember, Vacation: Summer trips aren’t about where you go. They’re about arguing with loved ones in a different zip code. Happy planning — and don’t forget your wallet. You’ll need it... and possibly a second mortgage.
– Uncle Bobby