Surviving May Madness: Uncle Bobbys Snarky Guide to Academic Parenting Survival
Dear Uncle Bobby, Is it just me, or is everyone limping to the school year finish line? I'm forgetting lunches, ignoring spirit days, and just sent my kid to school with two left shoes. How do people still have the energy for all this in May?
Exhaustedly Yours,,
Running on Empty
Oh, Empty, bless your end-of-year soul. You’ve reached the final stage of academic parenting: Survival Mode.
At this point in May, nobody’s thriving. The teachers are holding on with caffeine and prayer. The kids are mentally at summer camp. And the parents? We’re one permission slip away from faking our own deaths.
You started the year with Bento boxes and sweet little notes. Now it’s a granola bar, a half-wrapped string cheese, and an apology. You used to sort socks by color. Now your kid’s wearing Christmas pajamas and a soccer cleat to math class.
Spirit Week? Absolutely not. If my child shows up in anything remotely seasonally appropriate, it’s an accident — not participation.
And let’s not forget the avalanche of “End of Year” everything:
- Awards Day
- Field Day
- Muffins with Whomever
- Some vague reception for “student growth” where you sit in a folding chair and clap like you know what’s going on.
Uncle Bobby’s advice? Stop trying. You’ve already made it. If your kid is still enrolled, clothed, and hasn’t accidentally packed a bottle of ranch instead of water — that’s a win.
June is coming. Summer is near. But until then? Pack the lunchable, sign the paper, and lie confidently when asked about that reading log.
You’re not failing, Empty. You’re just coasting... heroically.
– Uncle Bobby