Uncle Bobbys Guide to Summer Chaos: Bracing for the Kid-pocalypse
Uncle Bobby
School’s almost out, graduation parties are behind us, and it feels like everything is oddly... quiet. Is it just me, or is this the calm before the chaos?
Fearfully Awaiting the Storm,,
Blissfully Suspicious
Oh, you precious, innocent dandelion floating on a breeze of denial. You’re not wrong — it is quiet. Too quiet. Which means you’re in the Eye. Of. The. Storm.
This temporary peace you're feeling? That’s not rest. That’s the universe pausing to smirk before it unleashes hell.
Right now, the lunchboxes are still packed neatly. The pool toys haven’t been inflated. The kids are almost done pretending they’re still learning. You can still go to the grocery store without being trampled by flip-flop hordes buying 19 packs of freezer pops and 4 family-sized bottles of ketchup.
But friend… summer is circling. And it’s bringing sunscreen-streaked children, overambitious vacation plans, inflatable flamingos, sand in places sand should never go, and the soul-shattering question: “What are we doing today?”
Uncle Bobby’s advice? Fake a meeting. Build a bunker. Hoard snacks. Charge your noise-canceling headphones. This is your last chance for peace. Like a squirrel before winter or a raccoon before the dumpster truck shows up, you’ve got 48 hours max before the “I’m bored” parade kicks off and every room in your house turns into a snack-stained warzone.
Enjoy the silence. Smell the calm. Because by Friday, someone’s going to try to build a Slip ’N Slide in your hallway and microwave a popsicle. And that, my friend, is when summer truly begins.
— Uncle Bobby