Short Week or Stealthy Marathon? Uncle Bobby Exposes the 4-Day Hoax
Dear Uncle Bobby, Everyone keeps saying this is a “short week” with the holiday coming up, but my to-do list is growing faster than my stress level. Isn’t this supposed to be the easy part of the year?
Longingly Yours in Overwhelm,,
Lied To By the Calendar
Oh, Lied To, bless your optimistic little planner. You thought the week before Memorial Day was gonna be chill? No, no. This ain’t a short week — this is a full week crammed into four days like a family of six into a rental condo. People love to say things like: “Let’s get everything wrapped up before the long weekend!” Which really means: “Let’s add double the work and half the patience before we all pretend to relax!”
Suddenly it’s:
- - Back-to-back meetings.
- - Endless checklists.
- - 47 emails marked “URGENT” from people who plan to ghost you the second Friday hits 12:01 PM.
And the real kicker? Everybody’s pretending to be productive while secretly planning their escape route. You’re dodging real responsibilities like:
- - Choosing which flip-flops to pack.
- - Coordinating side dishes via passive-aggressive group texts.
- - Debating whether you can thaw 12 pounds of potato salad in your car on the drive over.
Uncle Bobby’s advice? Fake focus. Nod a lot. Type loudly. Reuse last week’s to-do list and change the dates. This ain’t about progress — this is about appearances. Because by Friday, productivity’s going in the cooler right next to the questionable chicken salad.
Soo hang in there, Lied To. This week isn’t short — it’s just sneaky. And it’s only gonna get worse from here. See you Thursday… when we talk about the tourists.
– Uncle Bobby