Surviving Monday Meetings: Uncle Bobbys Guide to Dodging Workplace Rocket Science
Dear Uncle Bobby, Why does every Monday meeting start with someone acting like we're launching a space shuttle instead of just surviving another week at the office? Can't we just skip the "rah-rah" and get to the part where we all pretend to care?
Yours in Cosmic Apathy,,
Clocked In & Checked Out
Oh, Clocked In, bless your barely-caffeinated soul. You just wanted to ease into your Monday — maybe check email, silently scream into your coffee, and scroll Slack pretending it's productive. But no. Here comes Chad from Sales with his "Let's crush it this week!" energy and a PowerPoint titled Q3 Vision Synergy Reboot.
Look, nobody's crushing anything. Half the team forgot what day it is. One guy's still on mute, even in person. And somebody's eating a hard-boiled egg like this is a hostage situation at Denny's.
These Monday meetings aren't about productivity — they're performance art. It's where the over-eager thrive and the rest of us perfect the art of looking interested while planning our escape.
You don't need a pep talk. You need:
- A working calendar.
- Fewer acronyms.
- And five uninterrupted minutes to cry into your spreadsheet.
Uncle Bobby's advice? Mute yourself — even in person, just for the vibe. Nod every 90 seconds. Jot down fake notes like circle back and alignment protocols. Then go do the actual work you were hired for while the "weekly warriors" waste oxygen and your will to live.
Because this ain't a mission to Mars. It's Monday. And we're all just here so we don't get fired. Let's not pretend otherwise.
– Uncle Bobby