Uncle Bobbys Shopping Cart Dilemma: Exposing the Laziness of Cart-Abandoning Villains

Dear Uncle Bobby, Why is it so hard for some people to return their shopping cart? Every time I go to the store, I see carts scattered everywhere—blocking parking spots, rolling into cars, and generally making society worse. Is it really that difficult to walk 10 extra feet, or have we just given up as a civilization?

Rolling Away Your Cart,,
Rage in the Parking Lot

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Ah, Rage, you’ve stumbled upon the ultimate test of human decency: The Shopping Cart Dilemma. Returning a cart requires zero effort, but somehow, half the population treats it like a Herculean task that simply cannot be done.

Let’s break down these cart-abandoning villains:

1. The “I’m Too Busy” Liar – They have plenty of time to check their phone and adjust their seat, but walking a cart 10 feet? Impossible.
2. The “Somebody Gets Paid to Do This” Person – Ah yes, because nothing says being a good person like intentionally making someone else’s job harder.
3. The “I Propped It Against the Curb, So It’s Fine” Genius – Spoiler: It’s not fine. That thing is one gust of wind away from a low-speed car chase.
4. The “Fake Effort” Crowd – They push the cart in the general direction of the return and call it good. That cart is now the store’s problem… or someone else’s windshield’s problem.
5. The “I’m Parked Too Far” Excuse Maker – Oh, I’m sorry. You just walked an entire store but can’t take 10 extra steps? Next time, we’ll send you thoughts and prayers for your exhausting journey back to your vehicle.

Now, if this really bothers you, I have two solutions:

1. Start passive-aggressively returning carts while making eye contact with the guilty party. Let them know you see them. You know.
2. Create chaos. Next time, just casually say, “Oh no, you forgot your cart!” as they’re getting in their car. Watch the panic unfold.

In short, Rage, this isn’t a shopping cart problem—this is a laziness problem. And if returning a cart is too much effort, we might as well cancel all rules of society. No more stopping at red lights. No more waiting in line. Just pure, lawless anarchy.

So stay strong, keep returning carts, and know that you are one of the last things standing between civilization and absolute chaos. Good luck out there.

– Uncle Bobby