Holiday Dinner Hosting: Survival Guide for Picky Eaters, Courtesy of Uncle Bobby
Uncle Bobby –
Every year, I host the holiday dinner, and every year, I have at least one guest complaining about the food. “I don’t eat gluten,” “Is this organic?” or “Do you have a vegan option?” It’s a home-cooked meal, not a five-star restaurant! How do I deal with these picky eaters without losing my holiday spirit?
Frustrated Feast Host
Ah, the joy of the holidays: decking the halls, gathering with loved ones, and catering to the culinary demands of your extended family like you’re running a Michelin-starred pop-up. Frustrated, I feel for you. Nothing says “holiday cheer” like someone turning their nose up at your perfectly good mashed potatoes because they’re not “locally sourced.”
Now, let’s be clear: you are under no obligation to accommodate every picky eater at your table. The menu is set. It’s turkey, stuffing, and whatever casseroles Grandma insists on making — take it or leave it. If someone can’t handle that, kindly direct them to the kid’s table, where the chicken nuggets and mac and cheese await. Problem solved.
But if you really want to lean into the chaos, start offering fake options just to mess with them. Gluten-free bread? Sure! It’s totally just a regular dinner roll, but you don’t have to tell them that. Vegan stuffing? Absolutely! Just smile and nod while they dig in. Who’s going to fact-check a casserole mid-meal?
Or, better yet, make your guests bring their own food. If Cousin Kale is going to complain about your green bean casserole, tell them to BYOT — Bring Your Own Tofu. Let them haul in their soy-gluten-free-dairy-free feast while you sit back and enjoy the real food. You’ll save time and still look like a gracious host.
And don’t forget to have a little fun. The next time someone asks, “Is this organic?” respond with, “It’s organic-ish — the turkey grew up free-range in my freezer.” Or if they want something dairy-free, say, “Absolutely! The butter on these potatoes is 100% non-milk-based happiness.” A little confusion goes a long way.
At the end of the day, Frustrated, picky eaters at a holiday dinner are as inevitable as that relative who tells the same story every year. You can’t please everyone, so don’t try. Cook what you love, laugh off the complaints, and remember: you’re the one holding the gravy boat. That’s real power.
Happy hosting! And may your table be full — even if a few plates stay mysteriously empty.
– Uncle Bobby