Guy Fawkes Day Same Powder
Dear Uncle Bobby, It’s Guy Fawkes Day — you know, “remember, remember the fifth of November.” Back then, someone tried to blow up Parliament. Now we’ve got politicians who can’t even agree to keep the lights on. Do you think we’ve learned anything in 400 years?
Frustrated Sparkless,
History Buff and Politically Tired
Oh, we’ve learned plenty — mostly how to blow up governments without using actual gunpowder.
Back in 1605, Guy Fawkes and his buddies tried to end tyranny the old-fashioned way — with barrels, fuses, and poor judgment. Today’s leaders do it with filibusters, shutdowns, and 24-hour news cycles. Same result, fewer explosions.
See, the Gunpowder Plot failed because the conspirators got caught before they lit the fuse. Our folks in Washington? They keep lighting it on purpose. Every budget season is like a high-stakes hostage situation where the ransom note is printed on congressional letterhead.
And let’s be clear — I’m not talking about one side or the other. This is a bipartisan dumpster fire. You’ve got one group holding the budget hostage, another group holding the process hostage, and all of them holding us hostage while they still get paid. I can’t even get a refund for Netflix without three emails, but these people can shut down the entire country and still collect a paycheck.
Meanwhile, the rest of us are sitting here trying to fund their nonsense — paying taxes for services that stop whenever the government decides to play chicken with itself. If Guy Fawkes were around today, he’d take one look at this and say, “You know what? Never mind. You’re doing a fine job of imploding without me.”
Four hundred years ago, Parliament feared rebellion.
Today, they fear accountability.
And don’t even start with the “this is how democracy works” argument. No, this is how dysfunction works — a never-ending loop of grandstanding and finger-pointing while the rest of us watch the countdown to another shutdown like it’s a national sport.
So yes, we remember, remember the fifth of November — but maybe not for the right reasons. Back then, they tried to blow up the government because it wouldn’t listen to the people. Now, the government’s too busy listening to itself to hear anybody else.
At least Guy Fawkes had a plan.
These clowns couldn’t organize a sparkler.
– Uncle Bobby