Summers Coming: Uncle Bobbys Sarcastic Survival Guide to Floridas Heat Wave
Dear Uncle Bobby –
It’s starting to warm up, but it’s not unbearable yet. You can just feel that summer heat coming for us. Should I be trying to enjoy the weather now before it gets miserable?Sweating in Anticipation,,
Feeling the Warning Signs
Oh, Feeling It, bless your slightly sweaty little soul. You’re picking up the signals perfectly—Florida's about two weeks away from trying to cook you alive like a biscuit in a parked car. Right now? This is the sweet spot. Warm enough to pretend you're living your best beach life... Cool enough you’re not legally required to stick your head in a cooler every 15 minutes. But don’t get comfortable. This is Florida’s "last call for outdoor happiness." The universe is giving you a tiny window to mow your yard, eat outside, or go fishing without needing a hydration IV and therapy afterward. Because pretty soon: Walking outside will feel like stepping into someone’s open mouth. Your car’s steering wheel will be hotter than the surface of the sun. You’ll debate whether to wear pants or just wrap yourself in a damp towel and call it fashion. Uncle Bobby’s advice? Live it up now. Grill something. Sit on a porch swing. Fake a jog so your neighbors still think you care about fitness. Because in about 17 minutes, it’s gonna be mosquitoes, humidity so thick you can taste it, and the faint smell of sunscreen and despair. This ain’t a drill. This is your last chance to enjoy “warm” before it turns into “Why did God invent weather?” Get it while it’s good, Feeling It. And maybe go ahead and buy that backup box fan... you’re gonna need it.
– Uncle Bobby