Dating a Man-Child: How to Navigate the Minefield of Mother's Boys

Dear Uncle Bobby –

Baffled in the Breakroom

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Well, Baffled, sounds like you’ve hit the jackpot: a full-grown man-child!

It’s like finding a unicorn, except this one comes with a 24-hour live-in maid service — aka his mom.

Honestly, why would he leave?

Free food, laundry on demand, and zero responsibilities?

It’s a dream!

For him, anyway.

Now, don’t worry,

I’m sure the whole “I’m saving money” excuse is totally legit.

After all, Netflix subscriptions don’t pay for themselves, right?

And sure, he might be 35, but who’s counting?

Age is just a number… unless that number is the combined age of him and his Fortnite squad.

But hey,

maybe you’re looking at this all wrong.

Imagine the benefits of dating a man with such dedication to comfort.

Need your oil changed?

Nah, but he’ll build you a killer Minecraft fortress.

And laundry?

Pffft, why bother when mom’s already on it?

It’s basically a package deal — you get a boyfriend and a free domestic assistant.

Score!

As for the whole “should I stick around” question,

well, here’s a thought:

Why not join in?

Pack your bags, move in with his mom,

and make it a trio!

Think of all the quality time you’ll get with his Xbox… I mean, him.

You could even make it a real-life sitcom:

“Mom, Me, and the Man-Child.”

But if the idea of competing with his mother for his affection gives you hives,

maybe it’s time to pack those bags.

No need to run,

though.

Just leave him a note on his Xbox controller — something like:

“Thanks for the memories, but I prefer my men with their own Netflix account.”

In conclusion,

Baffled,

The question isn’t whether you should stick around.

It’s whether you’re ready to date a guy who still calls his mom “for a ride.”

If that doesn’t give you pause,

well, buckle up.

You’re in for the long haul — and probably a lifetime of neatly folded laundry.

– Uncle Bobby