Forgetting Birthdays: A Survival Guide by Your Beloved Uncle Bobby
Uncle Bobby –
I’m feeling a bit overlooked. My birthday is tomorrow, and despite dropping hints for weeks—like casually sending my family a link to “10 Best Birthday Gifts for People You Should Totally Appreciate More”—no one seems to have noticed. What do I do if they forget my big day? Should I remind them or just sulk in silence?
Forgotten in the Calendar
Well, Forgotten, first off, happy early birthday! Or as your family seems to call it, “Just Another Saturday.” But don’t worry, I’m sure they’re simply waiting to surprise you with something huge. Like, a life-sized cardboard cutout of their own apathy or maybe a heartfelt Hallmark card they grabbed at the gas station on the way home. If that’s not love, what is?
But let’s get real—people forgetting birthdays is just another perk of adulting. When you’re a kid, you get cake, balloons, and maybe a pony. Now, you’re lucky if someone remembers to text you “HBD” like they’re being charged by the letter. So, should you remind them? Sure, but make it fun. Maybe send a ransom note that says, “If no presents appear by 6 p.m. tomorrow, I’ll start singing show tunes in the living room until further notice.” That’ll get their attention.
Or, if you really want to lean into the passive-aggressive vibe, post a cryptic Facebook status like, “I guess some people just don’t care about the important things in life… #JustSaying.” Nothing says birthday spirit like a little public guilt trip, right?
But here’s a radical thought—why not skip the whole thing? Who needs a birthday when you can just declare the entire year “The Year of Me” and celebrate yourself every day? Get yourself something special, like a mirror, so you can stare into it and say, “You’re doing great, sweetie,” whenever you need a pick-me-up. You deserve it. After all, who needs family appreciation when you’ve got self-love and, let’s face it, a cake you don’t have to share?
And look, if all else fails, there’s always next year. Maybe by then they’ll have invented a device that sends subtle reminders—like, I don’t know, a calendar or something. In the meantime, grab a cupcake, light a candle, and raise a glass to another year of managing expectations.
– Uncle Bobby