Waiting for a Proposal: Uncle Bobby's Guide to Surviving Relationship Limbo
Dear Uncle Bobby –
I’ve been dating someone for three years, and I think they might be “the one.” But every time we talk about taking the next step, they change the subject or joke around. Should I give them more time, or am I just wasting my life waiting for a proposal that’s never coming?
Befuddled in Baker
Oh, Befuddled, I can tell you’ve truly stumbled upon a gem — one that sparkles with commitment issues. Three years, huh? That’s basically a lifetime in relationship limbo. You’ve made it past the “butterflies in the stomach” phase and are now in the “Netflix password-sharing, who-finished-my-leftovers” part of the relationship. Classic.
As for waiting on a proposal, well, let’s think this through. After all, nothing says “romance” like repeatedly bringing up marriage while your partner expertly dodges the question like it’s a surprise pop quiz. I mean, you’ve already invested three whole years! That’s like sitting through the world’s longest, most unproductive meeting — might as well stick around for the free donuts at the end, right?
But let’s be realistic. If you wait any longer, you might find yourself in a relationship that’s moving slower than a snail on a Sunday stroll. At this rate, you’ll be celebrating your 10-year dating anniversary with a card that says, “Maybe next year?” Don’t worry, though — commitment phobia is totally charming, especially when it’s coupled with vague promises and jokes about the future. Who doesn’t love a good “ha-ha, maybe we’ll get married…someday” right before another season of The Bachelor starts?
Now, I’m not saying you should force the issue. After all, it’s not like getting engaged requires a grand gesture like, I don’t know, talking about feelings or being on the same page. No, no. Just keep dropping subtle hints, like leaving bridal magazines scattered around the house or loudly commenting on other people's engagements every time you're within earshot. That’ll work wonders! Or, you could take a more creative approach and propose yourself. I mean, nothing screams romance like turning the tables and watching your partner’s face freeze in terror as they desperately try to remember how to form complete sentences.
And if that doesn’t work? Well, you’ve got options! You could always propose to your cat or goldfish — they’re much less likely to dodge the question, and let’s face it, they’re already more emotionally available. Or better yet, propose to yourself! Take yourself out to a fancy dinner, buy a giant rock (because you deserve it), and post the most fabulous engagement announcement ever: “After years of waiting, I’ve finally decided to commit… to me!” It’ll be the talk of the town, I assure you.
But seriously, Befuddled, life is short, and you deserve someone who can give you an answer that’s more solid than “we’ll see.” So, whether you’re walking down the aisle or walking out the door, just remember: you can’t spend forever waiting for someone else to make up their mind. And if it comes to that, I’ll be here sipping a cocktail at your “I Dumped My Delayed Fiance” party, ready with some real relationship advice: Don’t wait for a ring — invest in a good pair of running shoes, just in case.
– Uncle Bobby