Team-Building Meetings or Torture? Surviving Your Boss's Latest Fad, Uncle Bobby-Style
Dear Uncle Bobby –
Confounded in Choctaw Beach
Ah, Confounded, nothing says “I trust you” like letting a co-worker who steals your lunch from the fridge catch you as you freefall backward into corporate oblivion. Sounds like you’ve been drafted into the Trust Fall Olympics, where everyone’s a winner, except your will to live.
But let’s address the real issue here: feelings. In accounting. That’s like trying to introduce a “Dance Like Nobody’s Watching” session at a funeral. You’re in numbers, spreadsheets, and cold, hard facts—the only feelings you need to acknowledge are the sweet, sweet satisfaction of balancing the budget.
Yet here you are, enduring what can only be described as emotional waterboarding, where each group hug squeezes a little more life out of you.
Here’s the deal: survival is key. First, perfect your “I’m really into this” face. It’s the same one you use when pretending to care about office birthday cakes. Practice nodding thoughtfully while secretly imagining yourself anywhere else, like on a beach far away from Karen’s attempts to initiate another soul-crushing group hug.
Next, get creative with your escape strategies. Got a coffee cup? Great! Now you have an excuse to “refill” it at strategic moments. Trust falls happening at 10:15? Looks like you’ll be hydrating. Group hugs at 3:30? Oh no, you have to “run a quick errand.” This way, you’re not declining participation—you’re just conveniently occupied. Every time.
Finally, if all else fails, suggest a “trust spreadsheet” instead of trust falls. Nothing brings people together like pivot tables and conditional formatting, am I right? You might not bond over feelings, but you’ll all feel the satisfaction of a perfectly balanced sheet.
So hang in there, Confounded. Remember, it could be worse. They could make you do karaoke next. (If they do, might I suggest “I Will Survive” as your anthem?)
– Uncle Bobby