Reading Goal or Gag: Uncle Bobbys Truth Bomb on Faking Literary Bravado
Dear Uncle Bobby - It’s the new year, and everyone I know is setting ambitious reading goals — “I’m going to read 52 books this year!” Meanwhile, I’ve had the same half-read book on my nightstand for months, and I can’t even remember the main character’s name. Should I set a reading goal, or is this just another trend I’ll abandon by March?
Your Procrastinating Bibliophile,, Chapter Skimmer
Ah, Chapter Skimmer, welcome to the literary fantasy camp of New Year’s resolutions — where everyone suddenly believes they have the time, focus, and attention span to plow through a book a week while juggling their actual lives. Spoiler: they don’t. And neither do you. Let’s be honest — the people declaring they’ll read 52 books this year are the same ones who “don’t have time” to text you back. They’re either lying to themselves, or they’re about to count audiobooks and cereal boxes to hit their goal. It’s not about the reading; it’s about the humblebrag. Now, if you must set a reading goal, keep it realistic. Forget 52 books. Aim for one entire book by the end of January. And if that feels too ambitious, break it down further: “I’ll read a chapter a month” or “I’ll finish this paragraph before I fall asleep.” Baby steps, Skimmer. Baby steps. Still worried about keeping up appearances? Just stack a bunch of books on your coffee table and post a picture with the caption, “Feeling so inspired for 2025!” No one will know they’re decorative and the only thing you’ve actually read recently is the back of a shampoo bottle. And let’s not pretend everyone’s reading deep, intellectual works, either. Sure, there’s always that one person tackling Tolstoy, but most people are knee-deep in thrillers with titles like The Girl Who Forgot the Plot. If you’re going to jump on the bandwagon, make it fun. Start with something light, like a cookbook. Bonus: it’s useful and technically counts. So, no, you don’t need a reading goal to feel accomplished. The real goal is surviving the year with your sanity intact. If that involves reading one book, great. If it involves rereading the same three pages for the next six months, that’s fine, too. After all, isn’t it about the journey? Happy “reading”!
— Uncle Bobby