Uncle Bobbys Slacker Guide to Surviving Your Post-Vacation Reality Check

Dear Uncle Bobby, I just got back from vacation, and I feel like I need another vacation just to recover. My sleep schedule is off, my to-do list is terrifying, and I can’t even remember what my job actually is. How do you get back into the groove after time away?

Disorientedly Yours,,
Back but Barely Functioning

Ah, Back but Barely Functioning—welcome to the magical transition known as Post-Vacation Life Collapse. It’s that special time when your body is physically present, but your soul is still somewhere on a beach sipping iced coffee and pretending emails don’t exist.

You’re not alone. Re-entry into the real world after vacation isn’t just hard—it’s unnecessary. That’s right. I said it. You were never meant to return. But since society insists on productivity and “showing up to work,” I’ll let you in on my foolproof method for easing back into the grind:

• Don’t.
• Ease into it like you’re trying to enter a cold pool—one toe at a time, with dramatic gasps and emotional resistance.
• Start your Monday by opening your inbox and immediately walking away. Let it sit there like a haunted artifact. You’ve got time. Most of those emails already resolved themselves, or better yet, became someone else’s problem.
• Still feeling off? Blame jet lag. Yes, even if you didn’t change time zones. “Jet lag” is a state of mind, not a geographical fact. Use it liberally.
• To-do list overwhelming? Just delete it. That’s not avoidance—that’s a fresh start. If something’s truly important, someone will come looking for you. Probably in a passive-aggressive group email with the subject line “Just circling back!”
• And if someone asks why you’re moving slow, just whisper something cryptic like, “Still spiritually abroad.” That shuts ‘em up fast.

In short, don’t try to bounce back—ooze back. Glide through the week like you’re still operating on vacation rules, and eventually, you’ll either catch up… or be gently removed from all responsibilities.

Either way, it’s a win. Welcome back. Now pretend you never left.