Dodge the Friday Surprise Project: Uncle Bobbys Sly Guide to Escaping Office Traps
Dear Uncle Bobby –
Why is it that every time I try to leave work on time—especially on a Friday—someone suddenly needs something “urgent” at the last minute? Is this just my fate now, or is there a way to escape the Friday trap?Perpetually Clock-Watching,,
Five O’Clock and Fading
Ah, Five O’Clock, you sweet, delusional optimist—you thought you were getting out on time? On a Friday? No, no. You’ve stumbled into one of the oldest office traps known to mankind: The Friday Surprise Project. It’s a sacred tradition. The moment you power down your computer, someone appears like a caffeinated goblin from the Land of Bad Timing and says, “Hey, quick thing before you go…”
Let me translate: You’re not leaving. Not now. Not ever. It’s like clockwork. You could have a packed bag, your keys in hand, and one foot out the door, and suddenly it’s:
- “We just need a quick spreadsheet pulled together…”
- “Did you happen to see that email from three days ago that I never sent but I’m thinking about now?”
- “Real quick—do you have five minutes?”
Spoiler: It’s never five minutes. It’s a hostage situation with a Wi-Fi connection. Now, some folks will tell you to set boundaries. Close your laptop. Say no. Bless their hearts. That only makes them more suspicious.
Nothing says “ready for the weekend” like unprovoked competence. Uncle Bobby’s solution? Weaponized incompetence. Start packing up loudly. Announce you have to “feed your neighbor’s diabetic ferret.” Put your coat on at 2:30 just to start the psychological countdown.
And if anyone approaches after 4:59? Start coughing. A lot. Maybe mutter something about “that cruise ship bug that’s going around.”
Better yet? On Fridays, schedule fake meetings with yourself on the calendar. Label them something cryptic like “Quarterly Systems Sync” or “Critical Infrastructure Touchpoint.” That way, when someone tries to rope you in, you can say, “Oof, I’ve got a hard stop. Very high-level stuff. Classified.”
So yes, Five O’Clock, the Friday trap is real. But with the right mix of bluffing, avoidance, and theatrical exits, you too can disappear before they remember you exist. Happy Friday. And may your escape be clean and your inbox stay silent.
– Uncle Bobby