One DNS Tantrum Away From Societal Collapse
Dear Uncle Bobby, With everything these days being connected to the internet, yesterday’s Cloudflare outage made me realize how little control we actually have over our own devices. Half my apps died, my smart lights wouldn’t turn on, even my thermostat went into some kind of digital coma. Are we really in control of our tech anymore?
Panicked Pioneer,
Cloud Out
Control? Oh, no, sweetheart. We lost control the moment we let the internet decide whether or not we’re allowed to open our own garage doors.
Yesterday wasn’t just a Cloudflare outage — it was a cosmic reminder that the entire modern world is held together with duct tape, wishful thinking, and servers in warehouses that apparently needed a nap.
One little blip in the Cloudflare Matrix and suddenly:
– Smart homes went dumb
– Apps forgot who they were
– Websites abandoned their posts
– Half the planet stood in their kitchens tapping their phones like confused raccoons
People talk about “digital control” like it’s empowerment. Buddy, you’re not in control — you’re a customer in a casino, and the house always wins. You think you’re running your devices, but really your devices are holding YOU hostage with notifications, sync errors, and firmware updates that break more than they fix.
Yesterday proved it:
We’re all one DNS tantrum away from societal collapse.
You ever notice how smug tech companies sound? “Everything you need, right at your fingertips!” Yeah — until the cloud sneezes and your fingertips suddenly can’t access anything except your own rising panic.
Your smart fridge? Dead.
Your digital assistant? Unresponsive diva.
Your security system? “Sorry, can’t protect the house right now. Try again later.”
Even your doorbell camera probably started buffering the UPS guy into a glitchy ghost.
Back in my day, the only thing you needed electricity for was the fridge and the TV. Now your toaster needs Wi-Fi. Your lights need a software patch. Your vacuum has opinions.
Let yesterday be a lesson.
We’re not living in the cloud — the cloud is living in us, rent-free, eating our snacks and unplugging our routers.
So no, we’re not in control.
We’re passengers on a digital cruise ship where the captain is a faceless server farm that overheated because someone tripped over a cable in Singapore.
But don’t worry — it’ll be fine.
Until the next outage.
Which should be in… oh, about 20 minutes.
– Uncle Bobby