Holiday 5K Fanatics vs Pajama Protagonists: Uncle Bobby's Guide to Surviving the Run
Uncle Bobby –
I recently married into a family that has a tradition of running 5Ks on holidays. Every Thanksgiving, Christmas, and, yes, even Disney events, they’re all up well before dawn, lacing up their running shoes, while I just want to stay in my pajamas and watch the parade. They keep insisting I join them, but I don’t see the appeal of voluntarily running before breakfast. Should I just give in?
Reluctant Runner
Ah, the holiday 5K — because nothing says “celebration” like dragging yourself out of bed at an hour when even the coffee hasn’t woken up yet. Reluctant, I feel your pain. As someone who doesn’t run (unless something’s on fire behind me), I’ve always said that if you see me running, you’d better run too because something bad is coming our way. So trust me, I get it.
Now, should you give in and join the pre-dawn joggers? Absolutely not! Think about it: holidays are about cozy pajamas, a solid brunch, and, of course, the parade. Running a 5K? That’s for people who have way too much energy and clearly no appreciation for their couch. Why start your holiday with “runner’s high” when you could start it with a high stack of pancakes?
But let’s say you want to appease them without actually running. I suggest the “I’ll Be Your Cheer Squad” approach. You roll up in your fluffiest robe with a hot cocoa, stand at the finish line, and wave half-heartedly as they stumble across. And if anyone questions your dedication, just say you’re saving your energy for more important things — like flipping channels to avoid commercials during the parade.
Or, you could lean into the role of “Official Holiday Photographer.” Tell them you’d love to join, but someone needs to capture the moment they bravely face the chill of early morning. Just make sure to take extra-long “candid” shots so you have a valid reason to not be running alongside them. By the time you finish with your “artistic angles,” the race will be over, and you’ll still have time to make it back for the parade.
But if they keep pestering you to join, consider this: Agree to run, but do it at your own speed — I’m talking snail pace. A leisurely walk while holding a coffee sounds more reasonable, right? By the time you “finish,” they’ll already be showered and recovered, and you’ll still have time for the main event: sinking into the couch while watching oversized balloons float down the street. Victory.
In short, Reluctant, stand your ground. The only race you should be running on a holiday is the one from the fridge to the TV. Let the marathoners marathon — you’ve got a parade to watch!
– Uncle Bobby