Garage Clean-Out Guide: Dodging Nostalgia & Dust Bunnies with Uncle Bobby
Uncle Bobby –
My spouse wants to do a big summer garage clean-out, but every time we touch something, it turns into a walk down memory lane. Suddenly we’re “not sure” if we should throw out the broken lamp from college. How do I get through this without losing my mind?
Forever drowning in a sea of sentimentality,,
Oh, Sentimentally Trapped, bless your dust-covered patience and your growing resentment toward a box labeled “Misc: 2004.” You’re not cleaning a garage. You’re participating in a live-action episode of This Is Your Life: Junk Edition.
See, you thought this was going to be a simple “toss what we don’t need” exercise. What you didn’t count on was nostalgia turning every cracked picture frame and expired extension cord into a sacred relic from a forgotten era.
That broken lamp?
“Remember when we bought that at Target during our first apartment?”Yes. And it still doesn’t work. Into the trash it goes.
That stained futon cushion?
“But that’s where we sat during the series finale of Lost.”Exactly. And just like that show, it’s time we admit it didn’t end well and move on.
Cleaning out a garage with a sentimental person is like trying to do surgery with someone yelling, “But what if the appendix has feelings?!”
And don’t even get me started on the bins.
The bin of cords with no known devices.
The bin of mismatched holiday décor.
The bin of baby clothes even though the “baby” is now applying to college.
Uncle Bobby’s advice? Establish rules. Brutal ones. “If we haven’t used it or cried over it in five years, it goes.”
Bring a timer. Bring snacks. Bring a cooler with adult beverages. You’re going to need them.
And when your spouse tries to rescue a busted coffee maker because it was “part of our Saturday morning routine,” hand them a sledgehammer and say, “Then we should say goodbye like it meant something.”
Because clutter isn’t love. It’s just the past with a dusty price tag.
Let it go, Sentimental. Your future deserves more shelf space.– Uncle Bobby