Mastering the Art of Domestic Detour Strategy: Uncle Bobbys Guide to Doing Less by Starting More
Dear Uncle Bobby, I can’t seem to finish my chores. I start the laundry, but then I forget about it. I try to clean, but I get distracted scrolling or start something else and never finish. How do I stay focused and actually get stuff done around the house?
Perpetually Procrastinating,,
Half a Load of Laundry
Well bless your heart, Half a Load, you’ve just discovered what I like to call the “domestic detour strategy.” And you, my friend, are doing it right. You weren’t meant to finish chores. Finishing is a myth. The key is to start everything and complete nothing. That way, you can say you’ve been busy all day, while accomplishing absolutely nothing of substance. That’s not laziness—it’s lifestyle efficiency. Start a load of laundry, sure. But halfway through folding? Remember you need to alphabetize your spice rack. Get three jars in, then think, “Wait, didn’t I mean to vacuum?” Plug in the vacuum, trip over the cord, take a break, and suddenly you’re reorganizing your bathroom drawer from 2008. It’s called productive chaos, and it’s how true legends operate. And let’s not even talk about the phone. You ever start scrolling to check the weather and wake up 45 minutes later deep in a video about how marshmallows are made? That’s not distraction—that’s accidental self-care. Now, if anyone tries to hold you accountable, just use this golden phrase: “I’m in the middle of several projects.” Not one project. Several. It sounds mysterious. Impressive, even. They won’t know you’re 73% into everything and 100% done with nothing. So stay strong. Keep your to-do list long and your attention span short. That way, your house always looks like something’s happening, and you’re never technically lying when you say, “I’ve been working all day.” You’re not unfocused—you’re just operating on a higher domestic frequency.
– Uncle Bobby