Surviving Your Coworker's Candle: A Scent-sational Guide to Snuffing Out the Stench
Uncle Bobby –
Every morning, my coworker lights a candle at their desk, and it smells awful. Think “holiday potpourri gone wrong” or “a pine tree that lost a fight with a spice rack.” They love it and say it “sets the mood,” but for me, it just sets off my gag reflex. How do I survive this aromatic assault?Choking on Cinnamon
Ah, Choking, nothing says “professional workplace” like turning your cubicle into an unsolicited olfactory experience. Your coworker’s dedication to their scent game is truly admirable — if by “admirable,” we mean “utterly nose-punishing.” But hey, at least they’re consistent, right? Nothing like starting your day with the smell of regret and burning artificial cinnamon.
Now, how do you handle this? First, try to embrace the candle. Develop a dramatic flair for identifying the notes in their chosen “fragrance.” “Ah, yes, today’s scent: a bold mix of burnt cloves and sadness, with subtle undertones of regretful decisions.” Say it just loud enough for them to hear. Maybe they’ll pick up on the hint—or at least realize their candle’s true calling is pest control.
If subtlety doesn’t work, fight fire with fire—literally. Bring in your own candle, preferably something equally obnoxious. Think “Bacon Explosion” or “Eau de Wet Dog.” Light it right next to theirs and tell them you’re creating a “scent synergy.” Nothing bonds coworkers like dueling aromas of chaos.
Not into candles? No problem. Invest in an industrial-strength fan and aim it directly at their desk. When they ask why their beloved “Rustic Spice Inferno” isn’t filling the room, smile sweetly and say, “Oh, I thought we all wanted fresh air!”
And if all else fails, appeal to higher powers—like HR or the fire marshal. “Hi, I’m concerned about open flames in a paper-filled office. Also, I’d like to report a workplace hazard: my coworker’s candle smells like a gingerbread man caught on fire.”
In short, Choking, whether you take the sarcastic route, the passive-aggressive one, or the nuclear option, just remember: this candle phase won’t last forever. Probably. And if it does, there’s always nose plugs. Good luck!
– Uncle Bobby