Board Game Obsession: Uncle Bobby's Unhinged Guide to Surviving Game Night
Dear Uncle Bobby –
My friends are obsessed with board games. Every time we hang out, it’s Settlers of Catan, Monopoly, or some complicated game with a 30-page rulebook. I just want to have a drink and relax, but they insist on “game night.” I’m losing my mind. How do I get them to put the dice down?Bored of the Board Games
Ah, the dreaded board-game obsession. What started as “innocent fun” has now spiraled into “serious business,” complete with custom game pieces, laminated score sheets, and friendships that could end over a bad trade in Monopoly. You’re basically trapped in your own personal Jumanji.
Now, should you try to reason with them? Of course not! Reasoning is for amateurs. Instead, you need to fight fire with fire. The next time they suggest game night, bring your own “game” — something so outrageously complicated and boring that even they can’t take it. May I suggest a nice 17-hour simulation of 19th-century agricultural policy? Nothing screams “fun” like trading imaginary wheat at a snail’s pace. You’ll bore them out of board games entirely.
Or, if subtlety isn’t your style, flip the script with some intense competitiveness. Turn everything into a heated battle. Demand post-game interviews, throw shade at their strategy, and keep a trophy in your car to present to yourself at the end of the night. Bonus points if you start wearing sweatbands and calling yourself “The Board Game Destroyer.” They’ll either love your new vibe or stop inviting you entirely. Either way, problem solved.
And don’t forget about the ultimate sabotage: misreading the rules. Make “accidental” mistakes that completely derail the game. Declare yourself the winner halfway through because, “Well, that’s how my family played it!” Chaos ensues, and before you know it, game night is over and you’re free to crack open that drink in peace.
But if you really can’t beat them, here’s my final piece of advice: embrace it in the worst possible way. The next time they suggest a game, propose something truly unhinged, like Twister for Adults or a live-action game of Clue where you make everyone wear costumes. Sure, it might still be game night, but at least it won’t involve another soul-crushing round of Uno.
In short, Bored, you can either fight the madness, join the madness, or simply “accidentally” double-book yourself every Friday night until your friends develop a new hobby. Good luck, and may your dice rolls always land in your favor!
– Uncle Bobby