Unmasking Bare Minimum Friday: Uncle Bobbys Witty Guide to Surviving Mays Eerily Quiet Afternoons
Dear Uncle Bobby, I swear, once Friday afternoon hits in May, nobody does any real work anymore. Phones stop ringing, emails go unanswered — is this just how things work now? Should I even bother trying?
Frustratedly Biding My Time Until Happy Hour,,
Already Checked Out
Oh, Already Checked Out, bless your productive little heart.
You still think Fridays in May are for working?
No, no. That ship sailed — probably around 11:47 AM, captained by Gary from accounting who's “testing his boat for Memorial Day weekend.”
By Friday afternoon, work is optional.
The office?
Ghost town.
The phones?
Quieter than your Uncle Earl after his third plate of ribs.
Your inbox?
Nothing but “Out of Office” replies and someone sending around a meme that says “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere.”
Here’s the truth:
Friday after lunch isn’t work time. It’s “pretend to be busy while mentally already at the lake” time.
Everyone’s got their own strategy, too:
- Typing aggressively while actually scrolling Zillow.
- Scheduling emails for Monday so it looks like you're dedicated.
- Holding “meetings” that are really just deciding who’s bringing chips to the weekend cookout.
Uncle Bobby’s advice?
Stop fighting it. Join the great American tradition of Bare Minimum Friday.
- Send exactly ONE email.
- Make sure your keyboard clacks loud enough so others know “you’re still grinding.”
- Watch the clock like it owes you money.
And when 4 PM hits?
Shut it down, champ.
You earned that 48-hour vacation from pretending to care.
Because in May, Friday afternoons aren’t for working.
They’re for mentally checking out and physically following about 30 minutes later.
Enjoy your early weekend, Already Checked Out.
And remember — if anyone asks where you are after lunch, you were “in a meeting.”
– Uncle Bobby