Attainable Resolutions: Outsmart the Overachievers with Uncle Bobby's Guide
Dear Uncle Bobby –
Everyone around me is making these grand, over-the-top New Year’s resolutions — running marathons, learning new languages, starting side hustles — but I just want to do something simple and attainable, like walking more. Am I aiming too low, or am I the only one being realistic?Realistic in Resolutions
Ah, Realistic, welcome to the annual tradition of Publicly Declaring Ambitions You’ll Forget by February. You’re not aiming too low — you’re simply the only one in your circle who understands that most resolutions are nothing more than well-intentioned lies wrapped in glittery optimism.
While everyone else is shouting about their plans to become triathletes, write novels, or save endangered species singlehandedly, you’ve chosen something reasonable. And let me tell you, that makes you the real hero of the New Year. But of course, it’s also incredibly boring, which is probably why no one else is joining your “walking more” revolution.
Let’s be honest: resolutions are less about improving yourself and more about sounding impressive at parties. Nobody wants to hear, “I’m going to walk more.” They want to hear, “I’m climbing Mount Everest and raising baby penguins on the side.” Walking? Too relatable. Too achievable. Where’s the drama?
But here’s the thing, Realistic — you’re smarter than the rest. While they’re posting motivational quotes and sweating through day two of their juice cleanse, you’ll be strolling through January with zero pressure and a smug sense of self-satisfaction. Who’s winning now?
That said, if you want to up the drama while still keeping things manageable, try spicing up your resolution. Instead of “walking more,” call it “mastering the art of human-powered transportation.” If anyone asks, throw in some big words like “mindful ambulation” or “pedestrian enlightenment.” Suddenly, you’re not just walking — you’re a visionary.
And here’s a pro tip: keep your resolution vague enough that it’s impossible to fail. Walking more? Sure! One extra lap around the kitchen counts. Resolve to drink more water? Perfect! Coffee technically has water in it. Resolutions are all about finding that sweet spot between sounding ambitious and barely trying.
In short, Realistic, you’re not aiming too low — you’re aiming wisely. Let everyone else spiral into burnout by mid-January while you casually crush your attainable goals. After all, nothing screams “New Year success” like showing up in December with your resolution still intact. Keep strolling and enjoy the smug superiority. You’ve earned it!
– Uncle Bobby