Textual Tension: Uncle Bobby Unravels the Mystery of Eternity-Long Texting Response Times
Dear Uncle Bobby,
Why do some people take forever to text back? I know they saw it. I know they’re on their phone. But somehow, I’m waiting hours—sometimes days—for a response. Should I be concerned, or is this just how society works now?
Laughing in Unread Messages,,
Left on Read
Ah, Left on Read,
welcome to the Texting Olympics, where speed is optional, excuses are mandatory, and some people treat replying like it’s a contractual obligation they never signed up for.
Lets be honest—people don’t take long to text back because they’re busy. Oh no. They take long to text back because they choose violence.
Here’s how it breaks down:
- The “I’ll Reply in My Head” Person – This person reads your message, responds mentally, and then goes about their day like you’re a psychic. They are genuinely shocked when they realize days later that you’re still waiting.
- The “I Need to Craft the Perfect Response” Person – They see your text. They overthink. They start drafting a reply, rewrite it 12 times, and eventually just get exhausted and give up.
- The “Selective Responder” – They have time to post memes, like tweets, and comment “LOL” on someone’s status, but answering your text? Absolutely not.
- The “Accidental Ghost” – They didn’t mean to ignore you; they’re just operating on a three-to-five business day response time because their life is chaos.
Now, do you need to be concerned?
Absolutely not. This is just how texting works in the 21st century—some people respond in seconds, others in eras. If it’s really urgent, just send a follow-up text that says, “OK, cool, I guess I’ll just assume you’re dead.” That usually speeds things up.
Or, better yet, get revenge. Next time they text you, wait exactly as long as they made you wait. If they call you out?
Simply reply, “Oops, just saw this.” Feels good, doesn’t it?
In short, Left on Read,
people don’t text slow because they have to—they do it because we live in a world where communication is now based entirely on vibes. So lower your expectations, embrace the chaos, and start treating every unanswered text like a Schrödinger’s message—it both will and will not be replied to, at some point in time.
Good luck,
and may your patience outlast their response time.
— Uncle Bobby