Teenage Parenting Tips: Navigating the Eye-Rolling Olympics with Uncle Bobby
Uncle Bobby –
Exasperated Parent
Ah, teenagers—the only creatures on Earth who can turn eye-rolling into an Olympic sport. You’ve reached a critical stage, EP: the “Why did I have kids again?” phase.
It’s that magical time when every sentence you say is met with a look that says, “I’d rather be anywhere but here,” and you start wondering if you’re actually raising a human or just a sarcastic Wi-Fi signal in sneakers.
But fear not! There are solutions—and by solutions, I mean things that won’t work but will keep you entertained along the way.
First off, the phone thing? Good luck. You could throw that device into the ocean, and somehow, she’d still be TikToking from the bottom of the sea.
Honestly, her phone’s probably her best friend at this point, which is understandable. Phones don’t ask you to clean your room or unload the dishwasher.
They just provide endless entertainment and, occasionally, a life lesson wrapped up in a dance challenge.
As for cleaning her room? Simple: Don’t. In fact, lean into the chaos.
Tell her you’ve decided to turn her room into an “experimental art installation” and that you’re inviting the neighbors over to appreciate the 'authentic teenage experience.'
The messier it gets, the more you can charge for tickets.
Plus, nothing screams rebellion like turning her space into a tourist attraction.
Respect? Oh, EP, that ship has sailed.
But don’t worry, it’s currently anchored somewhere off the coast of “Parents Have No Clue Island.”
In the meantime, try communicating in her language—text her from the next room.
You’d be amazed at how quickly you’ll get a response.
Who knows, maybe she’ll even start a conversation about how much she respects your meme game.
Just remember to throw in a well-placed emoji. That’s parenting gold right there.
Now, if all else fails, you could always try the old “I’m becoming cool now” strategy.
Pick up the slang, listen to her music, maybe even film your own TikToks.
Sure, it’ll horrify her, but think of it as payback for all those sleepless nights during her toddler years.
Remember, you’re not aiming for respect—you’re aiming for emotional confusion.
The more confused she is, the better your odds of getting her to listen.
So, in summary, EP, you can either embrace the chaos and start a new career as a performance artist
or double down on your dad jokes and awkward dancing.
Either way, I promise you, she’ll look back on these years and... still roll her eyes.
But hey, at least you’ll get a front-row seat to her dramatic sighs.
Cheers to parenting!
– Uncle Bobby