Surviving Monday Is More Annoying Than Inspiring

Uncle Bobby –

I’ve had it with “Motivation Monday” posts. Every week it’s the same—people screaming “rise and grind” like it’s some sacred mantra, sharing inspirational quotes from people who’ve never worked retail in July. I don’t want to crush goals, I just want to survive my inbox and maybe eat a sandwich. Am I the only one who finds this whole Monday motivation thing more annoying than inspiring?

Buzz A. Drain

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Ah yes, Motivation Monday—

the official holiday of people who peaked in their vision board phase.

Look, Buzz,

you’re not wrong. Every Monday like clockwork,

the internet transforms into a toxic positivity parade. People who spent Sunday crying into a wine glass are suddenly preaching hustle like they’re one podcast away from sainthood.

“Rise and grind,”

they say. "No excuses!"

Buddy, I haven’t even risen,

and the only thing grinding is my teeth. Not everyone wakes up craving greatness. Some of us just want silence,

a functioning coffee maker,

and for Karen to stop replying-all.

“Discipline over motivation,”

they say in photos with microwaved fish and mountains, I will absolutely lose what’s left of my emotional stability.

Let’s get one thing straight:

surviving Monday is enough. If you showed up,

put on pants,

and didn’t scream into your desk fan,

you’ve already outperformed 60% of the workforce and 100% of the people yelling “Let’s get this bread!”

on Instagram.

So no,

you’re not the problem. You’re just the only person still tethered to reality.

Lets

the fake hustlers have their posts. You? Eat your sandwich.

Answer your emails with minimal violence. And remember:

if anyone tries to “motivate” you before noon,

it’s not illegal to unplug their keyboard.

Happy Monday, champ.

You’re doing just fine.

– Uncle Bobby