Uncle Bobbys Guide to Starting 2025: Low Expectations & High Sarcasm Levels
Dear Uncle Bobby - It's a new year, and everyone’s buzzing about “new beginnings” and “fresh starts.” I feel like I should set some big goals, but honestly, I just want to survive January without accidentally signing up for a gym membership. How do I start 2025 off right without overcommitting to self-improvement?
Asking for a Friend, but Actually Just Me,
New Year, Same Me
Ah, New Year, Same Me, welcome to Resolution Season — where everyone pretends they’re about to transform their lives, even though most of us are still recovering from eating an entire cheesecake in one sitting during the holidays.
First off, let me reassure you: the best way to start 2025 is exactly as you are. People who dive headfirst into “new year, new me” energy? They’re the same people who buy planners in January and mysteriously stop using them by Valentine’s Day. You’re already ahead by not trying too hard.
But since society insists we all “set goals,” I say lean into the bare minimum. Here’s your 2025 resolution list, Uncle Bobby style:
- Get more sleep. (Naps count. So does sitting quietly and pretending to work.)
- Hydrate. (Yes, coffee technically counts — it’s mostly water.)
- Move more. (Getting up to grab snacks absolutely qualifies.)
- Learn something new. (Watch YouTube tutorials you’ll never actually follow through with.)
See? You’re already crushing it.
And if your friends start talking about running marathons, meditating at sunrise, or cutting out sugar, just smile and nod. Their enthusiasm will fade by mid-January when they remember dessert exists and 5 a.m. workouts feel illegal.
My advice? Set one goal this year: Survive. Make it to December with your sanity mostly intact, and you’ll have outperformed 90% of the population. Anything beyond that? Gravy.
So here’s to you, Same Me — starting 2025 with realistic expectations, unmatched sarcasm, and absolutely no intention of changing. Cheers to staying true to who we really are!
– Uncle Bobby