Shop Till You Drop...Your Cart: Uncle Bobbys Snarky Take on Shopping Cart Return Chaos
Dear Uncle Bobby –
Why do people just leave their shopping carts wherever they want in the parking lot? It’s not that hard to take them back to the return, but they’ll block spaces, roll into cars, or sit there like modern art installations. Is this just what society has come to?Contemplating Shopping Cart Etiquette
Cart-Rage in Aisle 5
Ah, Cart-Rage, you poor sweet believer in the idea that people still follow rules. You’ve made the mistake of assuming that shopping cart return is about effort. It’s not. It’s about power.
Leaving your cart in the middle of the parking lot isn’t laziness—it’s a lifestyle choice. A silent declaration that says, “I’m the main character, and you, sir, are but a supporting role in my grocery-themed drama.”
Now, some folks out there say returning the cart is the truest test of character—something you do when no one’s watching. Uncle Bobby says nonsense. If the wind wants to play with it, let it. Those carts have wheels for a reason: freedom.
And besides, why return a cart when you can:
- Prop it gently on a curb like a sculpture.
- Leave it between two cars like a passive-aggressive puzzle.
- Or just let it coast into traffic and call it “a social experiment.”
Now, if you’re really feeling bold, try this:
- Make eye contact with someone as you leave the cart right behind your car.
- Then say, “They pay folks to do this. I’m just supporting the economy.”
That’s not inconsiderate—that’s job creation.
Course, if you are the person returning carts like a civilized adult, that’s cute. Really. But just know, you’re fighting a losing battle. Cart chaos is part of the American experience now, right between fireworks in the driveway and arguing about ranch dressing.
So don’t get mad, Cart-Rage. Join the madness. Or at least grab that stray cart and ride it like a chariot of honor back to the corral. Either way, just remember: those little metal rebels were never meant to be caged.
– Uncle Bobby