Pedicure Dilemma: Surviving Your First Spa Day, According to Uncle Bobby
Dear Uncle Bobby –
My wife keeps insisting that I go with her to get a pedicure. She says it’ll be “fun” and that I’ll “love it,” but I’m not convinced. I’ve never had one before, and frankly, the idea of someone messing with my feet is weird. Should I give in, or is this the hill I should die on?
Terrified of Toenails
Ah, the pedicure dilemma — where your wife envisions a relaxing, spa-like bonding experience, and you envision a stranger armed with sharp tools coming at your feet like they’re preparing for surgery. Terrified, I get it. Feet are weird. The fact that someone wants to willingly deal with yours for a living? Even weirder.
Now, let’s weigh your options here. On one hand, you could stand your ground and refuse, but let’s be honest: is this really the hill you want to die on? Do you really want to explain to your buddies why your marriage fell apart over a nail file and a foot soak? Spoiler alert: they’re going to side with your wife.
On the other hand, you could give in — but if you’re going to do it, make sure it’s on your terms. Show up to the salon like a man on a mission. Bring your own reading material, like a car magazine or the owner’s manual for your grill, and make sure everyone knows this is a once-in-a-lifetime event. Bonus points if you wear a t-shirt that says “I’d Rather Be Fishing.”
Now, as for the actual pedicure experience? Brace yourself. The foot bath will be the best part — warm, bubbly, and relaxing. After that, things get interesting. They’re going to scrub your heels like they’re sanding down a piece of old furniture. And if you’ve been neglecting your toenails, well… let’s just say they’ve seen worse. Probably.
But here’s the kicker: you might actually enjoy it. Sure, it sounds unmanly to admit, but having smooth feet feels weirdly satisfying. And once your wife sees you’ve survived, she’ll reward you with at least a week of “remember when you did that sweet thing for me?” gratitude. Totally worth it.
So, Terrified, my advice is to go for it — but milk it for all it’s worth. Make sure you get dinner out of the deal, and maybe throw in a dramatic retelling of your “bravery” to anyone who will listen. Who knows? You might even become a pedicure regular. Just don’t forget to demand a drink with a little umbrella in it while you’re there. You’ve earned it.
– Uncle Bobby