Nosy Relatives Survival Guide: Mystery, Drama & Creative Chaos

Uncle Bobby, how can I handle nosy relatives who constantly invade my privacy?

Nosy relatives, huh? Well, here's what you do—

• Fabricate Wild Stories: Whenever they ask a personal question, give them an outlandish, made-up story. “Oh, the FBI asked me not to talk about it, but let's just say I'm part of an international espionage ring now.”
• Over-the-Top Reactions: Act wildly overdramatic whenever they ask something personal. Gasp loudly, clutch your chest, and faint for maximum effect.
• Mystery Phone Calls: Pretend to receive a very secretive phone call in the middle of their prying. Whisper cryptically, nod, and leave the room abruptly.
• Annoying Hobbies: Pick up an extremely annoying hobby just to bore them. Talk endlessly about your newfound passion for collecting lint or organizing your sock drawer.
• Fake Amnesia: Claim you’ve developed selective amnesia whenever they ask personal questions. “Who am I? Where am I? Do I know you?”
• Bring a Strange Guest: Show up to family events with a bizarre “friend” who makes everyone uncomfortable. Bonus points if they speak in riddles or only in pig Latin.
• Change the Subject: Divert their questions by responding with completely unrelated and bizarre trivia. “Did you know that bananas are technically berries?”
• Surprise Appearances: Dress up in ridiculous costumes for every family gathering. Nothing says “mind your business” like showing up as a pirate or a dinosaur.
• Mysterious Boxes: Leave strange, unmarked boxes around your house and act incredibly secretive about them. When asked, just say, “You don’t want to know.”

– Uncle Bobby