Meal Prep Misery: Uncle Bobbys Witty Take on Surviving Your Tupperware Tyranny
Dear Uncle Bobby - It’s a new year, and I decided to jump on the meal prep train. Week one, I filled my fridge with neatly portioned containers of grilled chicken, quinoa, and enough kale to feed a small farm. But by week two, I’m already eyeing frozen pizza and pretending I don’t see the Tupperware. How do I keep this up without losing my will to live?
Tired of Tupperware
Ah, Tired of Tupperware, welcome to the delicious delusion that this is the year we’ll finally master the fine art of “eating clean.” Meal prep always starts with the best intentions — carefully planned, aesthetically pleasing, and mildly resembling the produce section of Whole Foods. Fast forward seven days, and it’s just you, a bag of frozen pizza rolls, and a pile of chicken you no longer trust.
Let’s be honest — meal prep isn’t about health. It’s about lying to yourself in bulk. You’re not prepping meals; you’re stockpiling guilt in stackable plastic containers.
Here’s the deal: that kale is not your friend. It’s waiting patiently, slowly wilting in your fridge like the forgotten spinach of 2024. And that quinoa? It’s just sitting there, smugly judging you while the frozen pizza whispers sweet nothings from the freezer.
So what’s the solution? Lower the bar. Meal prep doesn’t have to mean meticulously grilled protein and greens. A handful of trail mix? Meal prepped. Cereal portioned into ziplock bags? Absolutely meal prep. Slice a frozen pizza into thirds, wrap it up, and call it “pizza meal prep innovation.”
If you’re feeling extra bold, lean into the Week Two Slump Strategy™ — start pre-portioning comfort food. Seven bowls of mac and cheese? Balanced. Pre-cut brownies? Look at you, thriving.
In the end, Tired, remember this: meal prep isn’t a lifestyle — it’s a one-week fever dream that ends in takeout and vague promises to “start again on Monday.” So ditch the grilled chicken, embrace the frozen pizza, and enjoy the freedom that comes from accepting the inevitable. You’ve earned it.
– Uncle Bobby