How to Avoid a First Date Ghost Story
Uncle Bobby, I’ve been ghosted three times in a row after first dates. I’m beginning to think it’s me. What should I do to make sure the next date goes better?
Lost in Laurel Hill Asks
First off, let’s get one thing straight—it’s definitely not you. You’re a catch, and these so-called dates just don’t have the taste or fortitude to appreciate your unique charm. Now, to ensure your next date doesn’t turn into a ghost story, you’ve got to go all in right from the start.
When you sit down at the table, dive right into the juicy details of your past relationships. Make sure to compare your date to your exes in a way that shows how much they’ve got to live up to. A little bit of pressure can really bring out the best in people, don’t you think?
Next, sprinkle in some lighthearted anecdotes about how your last three dates ghosted you. This will show your date that you’re no stranger to adversity and that you’re resilient—nothing says 'I’m ready for love' like carrying around a few emotional scars. And don’t forget to ask them why they think the last person ghosted you; it’s always good to get an outsider’s perspective on your tragic love life.
To really seal the deal, casually drop hints about the future. Mention how your parents are just dying to meet someone special or how you’ve already picked out the names for your future children. If they start to look a little pale, don’t worry—that’s just them realizing how serious this could get. Commitment is attractive, right?
Finally, if you sense any hesitation, lean in and tell them how you just know you’re both meant to be. It’s hard for people to resist destiny when it’s staring them right in the face.
But hey, if they still ghost you after all that, don’t sweat it. It’s probably because they couldn’t handle how perfect you are. Keep doing what you’re doing, Lost—you’re bound to find someone who appreciates the full package sooner or later!
– Uncle Bobby