Gas Pump Overlords: Uncle Bobbys Hilarious Take on Your Fueling Frustrations
Dear Uncle Bobby, Why is it impossible to stop the gas pump on an even number? I try. I really do. But no matter what, it always lands on $40.01 or $50.02, just to spite me. Is there a trick to this, or am I just being personally attacked by Big Gas?
Dodging Pennies and Conspiracy Theories,,
Ah, Infuriated, you’ve uncovered one of the most diabolical schemes in modern history. This isn’t bad luck—this is deliberate sabotage engineered by gas pump overlords to make us question our sanity.
Lets break this down:
- You’re at the pump. You squeeze the handle, watching the numbers roll by in a hypnotic blur. $38.72… $39.14… $39.87… You brace yourself. You time the release perfectly.
- Click. $40.01.
- You scream internally.
- You try to fix it. Just a tiny squeeze. Just enough to round it out. Click—$40.12.
They’ve won.
And here’s the truth: they designed it this way. Gas pumps are programmed to lull you into a false sense of control. They let you think you’re in charge, but the moment you get cocky? BAM—extra pennies. That’s how they get you.
“But Uncle Bobby,” you say, “it’s just a cent or two.”
Oh, sweet, naïve Infuriated. That’s what they want you to think. Multiply that one cent by millions of drivers, day after day, across the country. That’s billions of stolen pennies—enough to fund whatever shadowy organization is running this scheme.
So what’s the solution? Simple: Give up. Stop fighting it. Accept that you will never win against the pump. The best you can do is drive away, muttering under your breath, knowing that once again, you’ve been played.
And if you ever do land on a perfect, even dollar? Congratulations. You have been chosen. Don’t ask why. Don’t question it. Just take your victory and get out of there before they notice.
Stay strong. And remember: Big Gas is always watching.
- Uncle Bobby