Friendships Optional Like Your Phone Warranty

I keep wondering if friendships are actually necessary, or if I am just following what everyone says is normal.

Social media makes it look like people have tons of close friends, and I do not.

Should I be putting more effort into maintaining friendships, or is it fine to keep my circle very small?

Tiny Circle Shame Spiral,
Friendship Audit Goblin

You are not broken. You are just noticing that most people are out here collecting friends like they are reward points, and then acting surprised when none of them buy anything.

Social media is a clown car of forced intimacy. Everybody is allegedly best friends with everybody, yet somehow they still post vague captions about betrayal like it is a full-time career.

Friendships are not oxygen. They are luxury items. Nice to have, but if you cannot afford the upkeep, you do not finance a yacht just to prove you can float.

Here is your new standard: friendships are optional, and every single one of them is on a probationary contract. If someone wants access to your time, they audition like it is a job interview, because it is.

You ask yourself simple questions. Do they add value, or do they drain you like a phone charger that only works at a weird angle. Do they show up, or do they just hover around waiting for free emotional snacks.

And do not let anyone sell you the idea of friendship tokens you can trade and barter. Nobody is owed your presence because they once liked three photos and sent a fire emoji in 2019.

If your circle is small, good. Small circles are harder to poison and easier to control, like a well-run little kingdom instead of a public bus station.

Cut ties dramatically if you need to, because soft exits are for people who enjoy explaining themselves. Clean breaks teach the world how to treat you, and it is amazing how quickly the fake friends evaporate when you stop subsidizing their laziness.

– Uncle Bobby