Fitness Goals: How To Get a Six-Pack (Of Chips) While Binging Netflix
Dear Uncle Bobby –
Baffled in Bluewater Bay
Ah yes, the classic dilemma of “I want to get fit, but my couch has a magnetic pull stronger than a black hole.” You, my friend, have stumbled into the time-honored struggle of pretending to care about fitness while secretly hoping that binge-watching a 10-part documentary on health counts as cardio. Spoiler: it doesn’t.
First off, the gym. You say you feel like everyone’s staring at you? Good news—they probably are! But don’t worry, they’re too busy flexing in front of the mirror and taking gym selfies to judge you too harshly. You’re just part of the background noise in their “Crushing It at the Gym” Instagram story. And hey, if you’re really feeling self-conscious, just adopt the universal gym strategy: wear oversized headphones and pretend you know what you’re doing. It’s foolproof. When in doubt, just lift something heavy, grunt a little, and act like you’ve got a detailed training plan instead of just wandering from machine to machine like a lost puppy.
Now, let’s address the nacho and Netflix conundrum, which is, quite frankly, a battle you’re never going to win. Health experts say you should set realistic goals, but we all know that the real “goal” here is seeing how many tacos you can down during an episode of Stranger Things. So, let’s be honest: your fitness journey is a marathon, not a sprint—except this marathon has multiple snack breaks, and the finish line is a nap.
If you’re looking for a shortcut to fitness, I’ve got some advice that’ll change your life: just say the word “kale” three times and boom, you’re healthy. Or at least that’s what Instagram influencers want you to believe. As for actual exercise, well, the most intense workout you’ll get is the mental gymnastics of convincing yourself you’ll “start tomorrow.” Spoiler alert: tomorrow never comes.
Here’s an alternative plan: why not merge your love of Netflix and nachos with exercise? Invent your own workout routine where every time a plot twist happens, you do a push-up. Or every time a character says, “We need to talk,” you lunge to the fridge for a snack refill. By the time the credits roll, you’ll either be in great shape or have broken the world record for nacho consumption. Either way, you win.
In conclusion, Baffled, don’t be too hard on yourself. Fitness is just a state of mind—and that mind is currently asking if there’s cheese dip left. But hey, balance is key, right? So, enjoy your shows, crush a few crunches (or chips), and remember: the only six-pack that matters is the one you can carry to the couch.
– Uncle Bobby