Surviving the Inbox: Uncle Bobbys Snarky Guide to Faking Enthusiasm in 2022

Dear Uncle Bobby - I’m barely into the new year, and I’m already feeling burnt out at work. Everyone’s talking about “starting strong” and “new goals,” but I can’t even muster the energy to clear out my email inbox. How do I fake enthusiasm until I actually care again?

With a lackluster smile,,
Burnt Out and Bitter

Ah, Burnt Out, welcome to the “New Year, Same Grind” phase of adulthood — where the only thing more exhausting than work is pretending you’re excited about it. Let’s be real: nobody actually feels motivated in January. The holiday glow has faded, and all we’re left with is the cold, harsh reality of… well, reality.

But don’t worry. I’m here to help you fake it until you make it, or at least until everyone else stops caring about “starting strong.”

1. Step one: master the art of appearing busy. Keep a document open on your computer at all times — something vague, like a spreadsheet or a report with lots of text. Bonus points if it has a title like “Q1 Projections” or “Strategic Planning.” Even if you’re just staring at it blankly, you’ll look like a productivity superstar.
2. Step two: use buzzwords. When your boss asks how things are going, hit them with phrases like “I’m really prioritizing alignment this quarter” or “We’re building synergy across platforms.” Nobody knows what that means, but it sounds impressive.
3. Step three: take “micro breaks.” These are just regular breaks, but you call them “micro” so it sounds intentional. Spend them Googling “how to win the lottery” or watching videos of pandas falling off things. It’s self-care.
4. And finally, if all else fails, go full passive-aggressive. Send out emails with subject lines like “As per my last email” or “Circling back on this.” It’s a great way to vent your frustrations while still looking professional.

In the end, Burnt Out, remember this: nobody actually cares if you’re feeling motivated, as long as you look like you are. Fake the enthusiasm, survive the inbox, and know that you’re not alone — we’re all just muddling through until spring. Good luck!

– Uncle Bobby