Dream Car or Nightmare? Uncle Bobby's Sardonic Guide to Midlife Crisis Motors
Dear Uncle Bobby –
My husband wants to buy a crazy, impractical car — you know, the kind with a ridiculous price tag, barely enough trunk space for a loaf of bread, and an engine that screams “midlife crisis.” I think it’s absurd, but he says it’s his “dream.” Should I try to talk him out of it, or just let him have his fun?Dreaming of a Lambo
Oh, Dreaming, this isn’t just a car — this is destiny. Forget practicality, bank accounts, or the fact that your driveway will now look like a Fast & Furious set. Your husband isn’t asking for a car; he’s asking for freedom, and who are we to deny him the wind-in-his-hair, speed-limit-ignoring, midlife glory he so richly deserves?
First of all, let’s talk about the dream car itself. Crazy colors? Neon lights? Spoilers so big they double as picnic tables? Absolutely. If a car doesn’t make people stop and say, “Who in their right mind drives that?” then what’s the point? Encourage him to go all out — flames painted on the sides, an exhaust that could wake the neighbors, and rims so shiny they double as mirrors. After all, subtlety is for sedans.
And let’s not pretend practicality matters. Sure, it might cost as much as a down payment on a house, but houses don’t make cool revving noises or let you pretend you’re in a high-speed car chase on the way to Costco. Who needs “room for groceries” or “good gas mileage” when you’ve got 600 horsepower that can take you from zero to broke in 3.5 seconds?
Now, if you’re worried about the financial side, think of it as an investment — not in money, but in your husband’s soul. That car isn’t just a vehicle; it’s therapy on wheels. Every time he revs the engine, he’ll forget about the stress of work, bills, and the fact that the garage is now too small to fit the thing. Happiness is priceless, Dreaming — or at least it’s financed at 72 monthly payments with a terrible interest rate.
And think about the perks for you! Nothing says “date night” like rolling up to dinner in a car that turns heads (even if it’s just because it’s that loud). Plus, you’ll never have to argue about trunk space — because there won’t be any. Problem solved!
So, let him have his fun, Dreaming. Encourage him to get the craziest car on the lot and live out his wildest automotive fantasies. Sure, you’ll both regret it the first time he gets stuck on a speed bump, but hey, at least you’ll have great stories for the grandkids. And isn’t that what life’s all about?
– Uncle Bobby